


Hope in the Darkness

by lovesnarf (snarfette)



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Fix It, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, prison but not prison
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-26
Updated: 2019-12-21
Packaged: 2021-01-13 17:27:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 12,479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21187733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snarfette/pseuds/lovesnarf
Summary: Robert is on his way to prison, far away from Aaron. His life is over and he’s only got himself to blame. He isn’t sure how he’s going to make it through the next fourteen years and suddenly handing himself in seems like a pretty stupid idea. But then there’s an unexpected chance and a light amongst the darkness...





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah, so I don’t really have time to start a new fic(!) seeing as I still have one wip on the go to finish and work will be crazy again as soon as I’m back on Monday. But I think we all need as many fix-it fics as possible right now and Holly inspired me with her post on tumblr about the prison van so here we are. It’ll probably only be short, but hopefully someone out there will enjoy it or it will help someone through these dark times. And that’s partly the reason for the fic title (and it’s a very appropriate song - Mumford and sons, Ghosts that we knew).

Robert stared at the blank wall before him. To his left, the door was closed. To his right, a tiny tinted window gave him glimpses of the real world. He supposed he should take his chance to drink it all in now. He wouldn’t be seeing cars and people and dogs and everything that ‘normal’ life could offer for a long time after this journey.

He wondered how many people even noticed the prisoner transport vehicle moving down the road. How many of them gave it a second glance? How many of them thought that everyone onboard deserved what they were getting? He shook his head, couldn’t allow his thoughts to go down that road again. He couldn’t afford to get upset. 

He’d made his bed: now he had to lie in it. 

Except, when he’d made his decision, when he’d handed himself in, he’d done it to protect Aaron. He’d done it so that Aaron didn’t have to live the rest of his life on the run with Robert, giving everything up for him and maybe growing to resent him for it after a while. He’d done it thinking that, even though they’d be apart, they’d at least get to see one another every once in a while. Aaron would visit and that would keep Robert going. Knowing he had Aaron waiting for him, coming to see him as often as possible, that would have to be enough. But now they wouldn’t even have that. Robert was going to the Isle of Man of all places. Not even just a car journey away, but a trip across the fucking Irish Sea. 

He hadn’t planned on this happening, didn’t know how he was going to cope. 

And he didn’t know how Aaron would either. 

He knew Aaron so well. He knew that when he’d seen him yesterday for that oh so precious visiting time, that Aaron had been putting on a brave front. He’d been forcing that smile, those words that were supposed to reassure Robert that he was ‘fine’, that he wasn’t falling apart without him. He knew that Aaron was trying to protect him from the truth, trying to stop Robert worrying about him on top of everything else. 

And he hadn’t been able to tell him the truth about the transfer. How could he break Aaron’s heart even more? How could he sit there and tell him that they’d be forced even further apart? 

Rationally, he knew that Aaron would find out sooner rather than later. And he knew that Aaron would be angry at him for not letting him say a proper goodbye before he was moved and they were separated for neither of them knew how long. But he just couldn’t do it. He couldn’t sit opposite Aaron and tell him. He’d broken his heart enough. He didn’t want his lasting memory to be Aaron crushed and heartbroken all over again. Maybe he was a coward. Maybe he was selfish. Maybe he was an idiot (Aaron would certainly say he was). But he just couldn’t do it. 

He turned his head to stare out of the tiny window again. They’d left the town behind and it was harder to see through the horrible tint of the window now they’d moved on from the bright lights. It didn’t help that it was getting dark and the rain was still pouring down outside. There were no people to see anymore. He could just make out headlights every so often, but that was all. 

His solicitor had told him that the Isle of Man prison was one of the best he could have hoped for. It had a good reputation and he’d have his own cell. It was all cold comfort. He didn’t want any of that. He didn’t care. He wanted Aaron. 

He shook his head: it was too late to change his mind now. He’d grown a conscience at the worst possible time: he almost laughed at the thought of it. After everything he’d done, everything he’d got away with, this was what had finished him off. 

Again, he shook his head to force away his maudlin thoughts. He’d couldn’t get upset. His eyes were already sore and red from lack of sleep and crying. He couldn’t keep weeping silently or lying in bed staring at the ceiling. He needed to toughen up. It didn’t matter if he was going to a decent prison. He’d be eaten alive by the other inmates if he showed his weakness. When they arrived, a harder version of himself was going to have to step off the prisoner transport van. 

Closing his eyes, he drew in a few deep, steadying breaths. He could do this. He had to: he had no choice. 

Then the van jolted suddenly to the side. Robert’s eyes snapped open at the harsh movement and he put his arm out just in time to stop his head smacking against the wall as he was thrown about. There were no seatbelts attached to the seats in the tiny cupboard-like spaces the prisoners sat in, so there was nothing to restrain them when the driver got a bit over-excited or too keen on the brakes.

There was a shout from ahead and then the van moved erratically again sending Robert crashing to the opposite side of his box. 

Another shout. One of the other prisoners yelled at the driver to sort his driving out. And then there was a screeching and a bang and the van lurched sideways. Robert tried to brace himself against the walls but it was useless as he was thrown sideways into the door. 

For a moment, he felt like he was weightless as he lifted out of his seat and then his head connected with something hard and unyielding. He cried out in pain and shock and then everything went black. 


	2. 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for the feedback on the first chapter.

Robert’s head hurt. He didn’t want to wake up because there was already a pounding in his skull and opening his eyes to face the day would just add to that suffering. 

Maybe Aaron would bring him a couple of paracetamol if he was awake. 

Then he remembered. He wasn’t at home. He wasn’t in his own bed. He wasn’t with Aaron. 

This had happened a few times before. For the briefest of moments, when he’d first woken up, he’d forgotten that he was in prison. He wasn’t going to wake up at home in his own bed for a long time. Most mornings, remembering that brought tears to his eyes. 

But then he remembered something else. Hadn’t he been moving? Hadn’t he been on his way to a new prison? 

Blinking slowly, he squinted into the darkness and saw nothing. There was nothing for him to see. Just blankness. 

His head still hurt and he lifted his hand to press against the side of it. Then he winced and hissed in pain as he felt the bump there and a warm wetness in his hair that he knew was a bad sign. 

What had happened? 

He reached out in front of himself and his hand hit something solid: the wall that had been at the front of his tiny prisoner transport cubicle. And then he realised that he wasn’t the right way up. He wasn’t sitting in his seat anymore: he was leaning on his right side and for a moment he was frighteningly disorientated until he realised that the whole van was on its side. The tiny external window that had shown him glimpses of the world as they’d passed by was now facing the ground.

There was no sound coming from anywhere and it was almost eerie to be trapped and so alone. 

Forcing himself to move and groaning with the sensation, he managed to lever himself up just enough to peer out of the window that faced into the narrow corridor inside the prison van. There was no sign of life and when Robert pushed against the door, it was still locked shut. 

Slumping back against the wall in the cramped space, he tried not to panic. He was trapped - that wasn’t new - but now he was trapped and alone and hurt and he had no idea what had happened or if anyone was coming to help. 

He squeezed his eyes shut as his head throbbed mercilessly. He didn’t know what he thought it would achieve: everything was dark around him anyway so it wasn’t like he was blocking out any bright lights. 

But when he eventually opened his eyes again, there was a light. The tiniest glow visible through the internal window. He blinked thinking he was imagining it, but it was still there. Moving as quickly as he could in the cramped space, he pressed his face against the window again. Tilting his head to the side, he looked down the corridor to the rear of the van. There was nothing. He moved to face the other way, towards the cab of the vehicle, and his eyes widened. His heart leapt in his chest.

Fire. 

The front of the van was on fire.

The flames were licking through the wall separating the driver from the prisoners’ cells. 

For a moment, he froze in horror. Then he backed away from the door as far as he could, which he immediately realised was futile. 

His eyes darted around the tiny space he was locked in. Desperately, he leaned up and pressed his shoulder against the door. He knew it was useless. If he was supposed to be able to get out, there wouldn’t be much point locking him in in the first place. That door wasn’t designed to be opened from the inside. 

“Help!” he yelled as he banged his fists on the door. “Someone! Help!”

He kicked the wall in front of him in despair and frustration. This couldn’t be happening. He moved to the window again and looked out. The corridor was filling with smoke: the fire was spreading. 

“Shit,” he gasped. 

He looked desperately around his cell again. His eyes caught on the trap door in the roof. He hadn’t noticed it before: why would he? He hadn’t looked up when he’d got onto the van. But now he saw it, probably because it was his only chance. 

Because the van was lying on its side, the trap door was now horizontal to him instead of above. Reaching out, he realised that the door was no longer flush in its frame. The accident must have damaged it, forcing it out of shape. 

His fingers ran around the edge and he pushed it with his hand. It didn’t budge, but he could feel the cool air on the other side. The tiny door was loose. 

Leaning backwards as far as he could, he reached out his legs and pressed his feet against the door. It didn’t move. But he was panicking now. He couldn’t give in. Smoke was trickling into his cubicle and he could smell it in the air. He didn’t have long before it choked him and it was all over. 

Kicking out again, more harshly this time, he slammed his feet into the door. This time it did move ever so slightly. Seizing on that tiny success, Robert kicked again. Again the door moved incrementally. 

He kicked again and again. 

“Come on,” he ground out. 

Sweat was pooling on his forehead and he could feel it on his back. He didn’t know whether it was from exertion, fear or the fact that the fire was creeping closer, but he kept kicking. 

And then the door gave way. It suddenly popped out of the frame and fell to the floor outside and Robert paused for a moment, shocked that it had actually worked, that he could actually get out. He stared out into the cold, black night for a long moment. Then he twisted around and scrambled out of the tiny space. Quickly, he crawled across the ground away from the van and then turned around, falling backwards onto his arse to stare back at the vehicle. The flames had engulfed the front of it and he could see the way they were eating their way along the length of the van. He wondered if anyone else had managed to get out. What about the other prisoners? What about the guards? And the driver? He contemplated going back - someone might need help - but he was too scared. 

Scared of the flames and scared of getting caught. 

Because wasn’t this his chance? Hadn’t he wished for his freedom? And now he had it. This was a gift. An opportunity. 

He stared at the burning vehicle, mesmerised by the fire for a long time. 

Then he heard a voice. Someone shouting in the distance and he looked up. The van had rolled down an embankment and above them, at the edge of the road, he could see lights and the silhouettes of people. 

“Someone call the fire brigade!” A voice yelled.

“Isn’t that a prison van?” Someone shouted back. “Call the police.”

“What if there are people trapped inside?” another voice asked. 

Robert’s heart thudded in his chest. He had to run. He had to get away. 

This was his only chance. 

Pushing himself up on shaky legs, he made his way into the trees. If his luck really had changed, no-one had seen him. 

He started making his way through the thick undergrowth, glad that it had stopped raining but grateful for the cover of darkness. He had no idea where he was going. All he knew was he had to get away. His head was still pounding, but he just had to keep moving. 

Suddenly there was a deafening explosion from behind him and he spun around to see a fireball shooting up into the sky. There were screams and shouts from the road. Robert’s eyes were wide as he saw the flames that had completely engulfed the van following the explosion.

If it had taken him a few minutes longer to get out, he’d have still been trapped inside. He’d be dead. 

The thought made his knees weak. He grabbed at a nearby tree trunk to steady himself. 

He had to go. He had to get away before the scene was surrounded by blue lights and sirens. 

Forcing himself upright, he put one foot in front of the other and walked away from the devastation as quickly as his wobbly legs would carry him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaron will feature in the next chapter I promise!


	3. 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So our hearts are broken, but I’m not giving up on them. And I refuse to leave Robert in prison (especially on the Isle of Wight) so this fic continues. Not on my watch! 
> 
> Also, this chapter is angsty (because we don’t have enough trauma right now) buuuut we all know the truth (at least you do if you’ve read chapter 2!). 
> 
> As always feedback is greatly appreciated and might just cheer me up and get me going on the next part. 
> 
> Love to you all. X

Aaron chewed on his lip again. The skin was starting to get sore, but he couldn’t seem to stop. He’d been at it all day and he’d mostly not even realised. It was only the metallic taste of blood that alerted him to it now. 

He picked up his phone again and pressed the home button to light up the screen. 

18:42

Still no call from Robert. 

He hadn’t called last night either. 

Liv had reasoned it away, done her best to calm him down when he’d started pacing and fretting. 

‘Maybe he can’t get to the phone.’

‘Maybe the prison’s on lockdown.’

‘Maybe the phones aren’t working at their end.’

He’d forced a nod, and that smile that he knew was fake and often wondered how his family didn’t see it for the lie it so obviously was, but it hadn’t stopped him worrying. None of her suggestions had made him feel any better: in fact, they’d made it worse. If the prison was on lockdown, was Robert in danger? If he couldn’t get to the phone, had something happened to him? 

He’d been so close to just phoning the prison himself but Liv’s wide eyes and supposedly casual glances in his direction had stopped him. The last thing he needed was her telling his mum that he’d been freaking out over a phone call. Except it wasn’t just a phone call to him. It was all he had until he could see Robert again next week. It was his lifeline. And he was pretty sure it was Robert’s too. The sound of his voice reminded him that they could do this. That even though he missed Robert so much and it hurt like someone had pulled his heart straight out of his chest, they could make it. 

After seeing him at their last visit - the way Robert had broken down right in front of him; the way he’d looked so lost and scared and young; the way he’d tearfully bid Aaron goodbye and clung to him like he was drowning - Aaron was desperate to see him again. He’d told Robert they could do this and he was determined to remind him of that every time he visited. 

He wasn’t letting go or giving up on his husband. He loved him far too much for that. 

But something felt wrong. It had felt wrong when he’d watched Robert walk away from him when their time together was up. It had felt wrong when Robert had cried against his shoulder. And now it felt wrong because he hadn’t heard Robert’s voice in two days. 

He pushed himself up from the sofa, grabbing his phone as he moved, and went to the kitchen. He felt restless. He felt like he needed to do something but he didn’t know what. He didn’t know how he was supposed to deal with any of this.

Scrubbing his hand over his face, he turned and leaned back against the worktop. 

“Alright?” Liv asked as she watched his actions closely. 

He nodded abruptly. He needed to get it together. He knew that Liv was worried. His mum and Paddy were too. And he really would be alright - eventually. He’d settle to their new routine with time. And he knew from his own experience that things in prison couldn’t always run like clockwork. Robert wouldn’t always be able to make his phone calls or there might be some issues with visiting. He had to accept that. And he would. He’d be fine. They’d both be fine and they’d get through this. 

The buzzer for the flat ringing suddenly startled him. 

“I’ll get it,” Liv said as she wandered towards the door. 

For a moment, Aaron wondered who it might be. It seemed like everyone just let themselves in these days so why would anyone bother ringing the bell. He glanced down at his phone again. 

“Aaron?” Liv called and he looked up to find his sister standing there with two police officers behind her. 

‘What now?’ His mind asked. 

He hadn’t done anything - he’d been locked away in the flat for the last few days. Maybe they’d read his mind about his plan to break Robert out. And it wasn’t as though Robert could have done anything seeing as he was locked away too. 

“Mr Dingle?” one of the officers asked. 

“Yeah,” he replied bluntly as he stepped towards them. 

Having the police in his house wasn’t exactly something he welcomed. Even less so these days. 

“Mr Dingle, we need to speak to you about your husband, Robert Sugden.”

Aaron was sure his heart skipped a beat at their words, and not in a good way. He just frowned at them. 

“Would you like to sit down?” one of them asked. 

“No,” he said simply. “What do you want? Robert’s in prison.”

“Mr Dingle,” one of the officers said and then she cleared her throat. “We’re very sorry to inform you that the prisoner transport vehicle that your husband was being moved on was involved in a fatal road traffic collision last night. There were no survivors. We’re very sorry - your husband has passed away.”

Aaron stared at her for a long time. Then he shook his head and blew out a harsh breath. 

“Well, I think you need to get your facts checked because my husband is in Hotten. He wasn’t on any prison van going anywhere.” He glanced at Liv who looked equally bewildered. 

The officer flicked through her notebook. 

“Your husband was Robert Jacob Sugden?” she asked.

“My husband _is_ Robert Sugden,” Aaron corrected her. “He’s in Hotten prison.”

The officer looked at him with sympathy and Aaron started to feel something cold and awful creeping over him. 

“Your husband was onboard a transport vehicle moving prisoners from HMP Hotten to a prison on the Isle of Man.”

“No,” Aaron shook his head, but he was beginning to feel like his protests were in vain. 

“I’m sorry, Mr Dingle. You obviously weren’t aware of the arrangements which means that this must come as even more of a shock to you. Your husband was on board the vehicle and I’m very sorry, but he did not survive the crash.”

Everything around Aaron seemed to fall away. He couldn’t hear anyone speaking to him anymore. He couldn’t make out their faces. He felt frozen in place: trapped in his own personal hell. 

Robert was gone. Not just in prison. Dead. Aaron had lost him forever. 

His phone clattering to the floor shook him from his shocked state. 

Liv was crying and staring at him in horror. The police were still talking to him, saying words that meant nothing and apologies that were even more worthless. 

He turned around and walked up the stairs. When he got to their room, he quietly pushed the door closed behind him. He moved to the bed and lay down. Squeezing his eyes closed, he silently begged to fall asleep and never wake up. 

***

He hadn’t fallen asleep. He’d just lain there in their bed for hours and hours, alternating between staring at nothing and squeezing his eyes closed so that he didn’t have to see anything or anyone. 

Liv had come upstairs not long after he’d heard the front door close. He’d guessed she’d finished speaking to the police and seen them out and then come up to find him. He hadn’t been able to bring himself to even look at her. It wasn’t that he was trying to be cruel: he just couldn’t. 

She’d disappeared and, sometime later, returned with his mum and Paddy in tow. And they’d brought Eve. Of course they had. And even then, Aaron hadn’t reacted. Their words meant nothing. Their gentle touches and consoling platitudes were pointless. None of it mattered anymore. 

***

By the following morning, Aaron had drifted in and out of restless sleep. He’d startled awake each time he’d fallen asleep and then been afraid to close his eyes again. 

It had been still been early when he’d jumped out of bed and stormed downstairs. 

This wasn’t right. There had been some epic mistake. They’d got the wrong person. 

Robert was still in his cell in Hotten. A prisoner, but alive. 

He wasn’t dead. Aaron refused to believe it. 

He’d grabbed his phone from the dining table and jabbed at it until he’d found and dialled the number for the prison. His call had been answered and Aaron had dived into demanding answers and wanting to speak to his husband and not accepting what they were telling him. 

He’d argued with the woman on the phone. He’d been furious that they’d made such a terrible mistake and he’d been told something that couldn’t possibly be true. 

But as the conversation had continued, the desperate hope that Aaron had been clinging to had started to fade and the woman’s words seemed to be more and more truthful. 

Robert was being transferred. He’d been informed on Friday morning. He was being moved to the Isle of Man. He’d boarded the transport vehicle. And he’d been killed, along with everyone else on the van, when it crashed off the road and exploded. 

Aaron had hung up without another word. 

Robert really was gone. He could argue that it wasn’t true. He could keep clinging on to the possibility that this was all some stupid mistake. But it was pointless. 

He hadn’t even had chance to say goodbye. 

Robert hadn’t given him the chance. 

Clenching his jaw, he grabbed his car keys from the table and stormed out of the house. 


	4. 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the super angsty previous chapter. This ones pretty angsty too but there’s hope...

The last week or so had been a blur for Aaron. 

He’d gone out after the phone call to the prison and driven around aimlessly. He hadn’t wanted to be there to face his mum or Liv or Vic or anyone. He hadn’t wanted to hear what they had to say, or think about what he was going to do with himself. Because what was he supposed to do? Robert was dead. Where did that leave him? What did he have left to hope for? 

In the end, he’d stopped off at a supermarket and bought plenty of alcohol. The woman on the checkout had grinned at him like he was stocking up for a party and he’d just glared at her. 

Then he’d gone home and got spectacularly and pathetically drunk. 

Liv had been crying and practically begging him to talk to her. His mum and Paddy had come and tried to reason with him. And in the end, he’d screamed at them all to get out and leave him alone. 

Couldn’t they give him this one day? Those few hours of despair? 

His husband was dead. And Aaron hadn’t even had chance to say goodbye.

He’d felt guilty about it the following morning, but not guilty enough to stop him drinking himself into oblivion again.

That had gone on for a few days. 

There had been no reasoning with him. 

After a few days of drunken despair, when he’d sobered up, and it looked like he might be ready to move on to whatever came next, he made a phone call to the prison again. 

He wanted more answers. He couldn’t get it all out of his head and he felt like he was going crazy trying to understand what had happened. 

They told him the same story again. And when he asked about a body so at least they could start planning a funeral - because wasn’t he supposed to be practical about these things? - there was a horrible pause on the other end of the line. 

“I’m sorry, Mr Dingle,” the woman on the phone told him. “The explosion following the crash was so intense that the collision investigators haven’t managed to recover any bodies.”

Again, Aaron’s world fell apart. 

He’d never got to say goodbye and now he was being told they couldn’t even bury Robert and say goodbye to him in that way either. 

There was nothing left to bury. There was just nothing. 

He hung up and stared across their living room at the wedding picture on the fireplace. Their beaming smiles mocked him. He realised he was shaking. 

This was Robert’s fault. 

He’d left him. 

He hadn’t even told Aaron that he was being moved. If he had, maybe they could have stopped it. Maybe his solicitor could have done something. And even if the move had to go ahead, at least Aaron would have made sure he’d said a proper goodbye until he could make arrangements to get to visit again. 

But Robert had taken that away from him. 

He hadn’t told him the truth and he’d been loaded onto that van without even thinking about how it would effect Aaron.

And now...now he was dead. 

He was gone and Aaron was alone. 

He hadn’t even realised, but he’d moved across the room and was standing in front of the photo frame. 

“I hate you,” he ground out as he stared at Robert’s joyful face. “I hate you for doing this to me. I hate you for leaving me.”

He grabbed the photo frame off the fireplace and gripped it tightly in his hands. The urge to launch it at the wall rushed through him but then he looked down and saw their faces. Robert’s beautiful smile. His own matching it because he’d never been happier.

His legs gave way and he crumpled to the floor, clutching the frame against his chest as he sobbed uncontrollably and rocked backwards and forwards. 

“I love you,” he murmured. “I love you. Why did you have to leave me? We were supposed to get through this together.”

***

His anger and sorrow and despair clouded everything. 

He didn’t want to speak to anyone about how he felt. He threw their words back at them when they tried to make him feel better or see sense. 

“Robert wouldn’t want to see you doing this to yourself, love.”

How dare they tell him that Robert wouldn’t want to see him like this? How the hell would they know what Robert would want? 

Hadn’t Paddy told him that nothing could hurt any more than losing Grace? Yeah, well Aaron knew that pain. He threw that back at him too because now he knew. Now he knew what it felt like to be completely and utterly heartbroken and bereft.

“You can talk to us, you know?”

Hadn’t they said Robert was selfish? Hadn’t they said it was all his own fault that he’d been locked up in the first place? They were probably happy he was gone for good. Aaron could ‘move on’ now. 

They didn’t want to see him self-destructing. But they didn’t understand. They didn’t understand that Robert had been his world. Robert had been the one: the person who knew him better than anyone and loved him all the same. 

When he closed his eyes, he saw Robert. He saw them happy and in love. And then that image was always destroyed by Robert’s unseeing eyes staring back at him or Robert crying as he walked away in prison. 

He saw him in every corner of their home. 

He dreamt about him. 

One of his nightmares had been of Robert trapped in that prison van, waiting for the smoke or flames to reach him. He’d been crying out for Aaron to help him, but Aaron couldn’t find him, didn’t know where he was or how to get to him. He could hear him. He could see him. But he couldn’t get to him. 

And then when he woke up, he couldn’t stop picturing it. He couldn’t stop imagining Robert terrified and trapped - knowing that he was going to die in a fire of all things. He hated even thinking it, but he hoped that Robert had been killed instantly in the crash because he couldn’t bear the idea of Robert stuck in his tiny cell waiting for the inevitable. 

It was almost worse that he’d never know what had actually happened and now he’d got the image in his head, it seemed he’d never be rid of the thought of it. 

He’d decided that alcohol was his only saviour again. He needed to stop seeing it. He needed to stop hurting.

And then, on the way out of David’s, he’d literally bumped into Cain. His uncle had looked almost as hopeless as Aaron felt. They’d shared a nod and before Aaron knew it, they were drowning their sorrows together.

Chas had been appalled by the state of the two of them when they’d staggered into the pub. 

They’d managed to offend quite a lot of the patrons while they’d been in there and then decided to go to Hotten because they couldn’t deal with the scathing looks from Chas anymore.

They’d got into a scrap in one of the pubs in Hotten. A couple of blokes had looked at them funny and Cain had erupted. And Aaron had felt alive with the thrill of it for the first time in weeks. Feeling something other than terrible, lonely grief had been a rush - something to seize on and savour - so he’d dived in to join his uncle in the fray. 

He’d laughed hysterically as they’d been thrown out of the pub, even as his cheekbone started to throb and his lip stung as the split skin dribbled blood down his chin. 

Surely this was for the best. If he could take out his anger and hurt and devastation on someone else, at least he wasn’t turning it in on himself. 

Robert would have been crushed if he’d started hurting himself again. Not that it mattered what Robert would have thought of anything anymore. 

That sobering thought had the laughter drying up and Aaron unsteadily steering a still fuming Cain towards a nearby taxi rank so they could head back to the village before they ended up in prison themselves. 

By the time they got back to Emmerdale, the buzz of the alcohol and the thrill of the fight had all but left Aaron. He just felt sick and knew he’d have a stinking headache in the morning thanks to the booze and the punch to the face. 

They stumbled out of the taxi, Cain more unsteady than Aaron, and Aaron stared down the street towards The Mill. His home. The home that Robert had made for them. The home he’d shared with his husband. He sighed heavily and wiped the blood from the corner of his mouth as he could feel it dribbling again. 

“Pub?” Cain asked as he stood beside him.

“It’s shut,” Aaron replied, wondering how drunk his uncle must be to have not even noticed how late it was. 

The street was quiet, most of the lights in the houses were off, and the pub was most definitely closed up for the night. 

Cain blinked at the pub and scowled as though it had personally offended him. 

Aaron watched him. Cain was clearly struggling with the loss of his relationship with Moira, but at least he could still see her if he wanted to. There was still hope that one day, despite all the pain and anger that they felt now, they might reunite. Aaron didn’t have that chance. He couldn’t ever see Robert again. 

“I’m going home,” Aaron said quietly. Suddenly, he felt incredibly weary. “What are you doing?”

Despite his sudden melancholy, he didn’t want to leave his uncle to wander the streets of Emmerdale all night. 

“Heading back to the farm,” Cain replied. Immediately, he started walking away and Aaron didn’t question him. Cain was pig-headed enough to make his own decisions and his own mistakes. He was a Dingle after all. 

Slowly, Aaron made his way back towards The Mill. He didn’t feel any sense of urgency, no desire to rush home. Maybe because it didn’t feel that much like ‘home’ anymore. There was too much missing now. There was a hole that couldn’t be filled. 

Letting himself into the flat, he felt that emptiness hit him with full force. He wanted Robert there to welcome him home. He wanted to find him waiting up for him on the sofa. He wanted to be able to go up those stairs and find Robert sitting up in bed, reading his book. He wanted to collapse into his arms and be held. 

He forced back the sob that threatened to burst from him. He couldn’t descend into that misery again tonight. 

Trudging upstairs, he went to the bathroom and cleaned up his split lip. He couldn’t look himself in the eye and he couldn’t bring himself to go and get into their bed. 

Liv’s bedroom door was open and he remembered that she’d said she was staying at Gabby’s for the night. He couldn’t blame her: he hadn’t been exactly good company over the last week or so, despite how she’d been trying so hard to support him. He needed to do better: he needed to look after her. She’d lost Robert too. 

As he walked out of the bathroom, he heard a noise downstairs. It sounded like the front door quietly clicking shut and he was immediately on his guard. It could be Liv but it would be a very strange time for her to be coming back in. 

Instead of calling out, he carefully made his way down the stairs. 

Nothing could have prepared him for what was in the lounge. It had to be his mind playing an awful trick on him.

“R..._Robert_?” he gasped. 

He shook his head in disbelief. Maybe he’d drunk so much he was hallucinating. But he was sure he’d sobered up plenty. 

He couldn’t believe his eyes. His dead husband was standing in front of him: dirty, disheveled, pale and shaking. Robert looked almost haunted, but it was him who was supposedly a ghost. 

Robert tried for a smile but it was a pathetic attempt. 

“Glad you didn’t move the spare key,” he managed to say, his voice rough and quiet. 

“What...?” Aaron started, but he was cut off as Robert’s eyes rolled back in his head and he collapsed right in front of him. 

He lunged forward but didn’t catch him in time. 

But when he did reach him, his hand touched Robert’s chest and he could feel the rise and fall. He could feel the warmth of Robert’s body through his bedraggled clothes. 

Robert was alive. 


	5. 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has taken ages to get finished (sorry about that) and that’s partly because of real life being an absolute bitch at the moment and partly because I’ve just struggled with it. So shorter chapter than usual but I hope that’s better than nothing.

Aaron spent most of the rest of the night sitting in the armchair, staring at Robert. 

He’d managed to get him onto the sofa. Robert had blearily blinked up at him as he’d picked him up from the floor to move him to lie on the sofa. But after that, his eyes had remained closed and he’d been stubbornly unconscious since. 

Aaron couldn’t believe his eyes. He feared that if he allowed himself to fall asleep, Robert might not still be there when he woke up. That all of this might have been part of some cruel dream sent to torment him. 

Robert was alive. He was lying on their sofa - battered, injured, pale and thinner than he was the last time Aaron saw him, but alive.

And Aaron was desperate for answers. Desperate to know how this was possible. How all of his prayers and wishes had been answered. 

Robert had clearly been through an ordeal. His clothes - still his prison uniform - were filthy and ragged. His hair was dirty and matted with dried blood on one side of his head. There were bruises on his face. There were dark shadows beneath his eyes. 

But he was alive. 

Aaron couldn’t stop thinking it. He couldn’t stop repeating it in his head. 

Aaron’s own head was pounding and his eyes were sore but he refused to fall asleep. He wasn’t sure he really could have anyway. Not with this huge revelation lying right in front of him. 

Robert hadn’t been killed in the crash. He was here. 

And that opened up a whole load of other issues in his head. Because everyone thought Robert was dead. He couldn’t exactly return to the living without anyone noticing. He had to keep this a secret until they decided what to do. No-one could know about Robert being back. Not yet. 

And Aaron kind of wanted to keep that secret. He wanted Robert all to himself. Maybe it was selfish, but he felt like he deserved it after what he’d been through. What they’d been through. 

When Robert had collapsed in front of him, he’d been terrified. For a brief moment, he’d contemplated ringing an ambulance, but immediately stopped himself. How was he going to explain this to the paramedics, the hospital, the nosey neighbours who would undoubtedly notice an ambulance pulling up outside?

He had to deal with this on his own. That was another reason why he couldn’t close his eyes. What if Robert was seriously ill and needed medical attention? What if Aaron took his eyes off him for a moment and he stopped breathing? He knew that if there was no other option, he’d call for help, but that was his last resort. No-one was taking Robert away from him again. 

It was just starting to get light outside when Robert jolted awake. His eyes snapped open and he sat up, pushing the blanket that Aaron had covered him with away, gasping as he looked around quickly. 

He looked like a scared animal and Aaron’s heart constricted at the sight of it. 

“Hey,” he said quietly. “It’s okay. You’re safe. You’re with me.”

Robert’s eyes settled on him and he blinked rapidly a few times as though he couldn’t believe what he was seeing. 

“Aaron?” he whispered. 

Aaron nodded. “Yeah. It’s okay,” he repeated. 

It was probably far from it. But somehow having Robert there meant everything else faded away. 

“Here,” Aaron said softly as he handed him a glass of water. 

Robert took it and slowly took a sip. There was a tremor in his hand that had never been there before. After a moment, he almost greedily drank the whole glass and then slumped back against the sofa. He stared up at Aaron like he couldn’t take his eyes off him: Aaron could sympathise. 

“What happened?” Aaron asked eventually. 

Robert swallowed thickly. “The prison van...it crashed. I don’t know why. I...I thought I was going to die.” He trailed off and he looked haunted by the memory. “I think...I don’t know...adrenaline must’ve kicked in or something and I managed to get out. I ran. And then it just...it just exploded. If I’d been a few seconds later...”

Aaron reached out and grabbed his hand. He squeezed tightly, feeling his own fear bubbling at the surface and needing the reassurance that Robert had made it.

“I ran,” Robert said simply, as he blinked at Aaron. “I realised that I had a chance. A chance to get away. So I took it.”

Aaron squeezed his hand again. He could feel tears burning in his eyes. This was all so much to take in. 

Robert had been dead. Aaron had spiralled into grief and mourned for him. And now, he was sitting right there in front of him. Alive. 

“I thought you were dead,” he murmured.

Robert winced at the words. 

“Where have you been?” Aaron asked suddenly. He felt almost angry at Robert - he’d been alive the whole time and Aaron had been falling apart. “It’s been nearly two weeks and...I thought you were dead. Why didn’t you contact me? You must’ve known I’d be going out of my mind.” 

He sat back and released Robert’s hand. He knew his anger was unfair and irrational: he knew it wasn’t Robert’s fault. But everything that had happened, everything he’d been dealing with, the trauma of losing his husband, was twisting his thoughts and emotions into frustration and annoyance instead of the sheer relief that he knew was there beneath the surface. 

Robert frowned at him. He shook his head angrily. “I didn’t exactly have much choice, you know. I’ve been on the run. I had no phone, no money. I didn’t know if the police thought I was dead or alive. I’ve been hiding out where I can. Trying to find whatever I could to eat. I didn’t know if the police were sniffing around here or watching you. I had to wait until you were alone before I could come back to the house. So I’ve not exactly been out there having a good time. But I’m sorry that it’s taken me so long to get back to you and I’m sorry that things obviously haven’t worked out perfectly.” He ground out the last words sarcastically and pushed himself up from the sofa. 

Aaron watched him with wide eyes, almost stunned into silence by his outburst. Immediately, he regretted his accusatory tone from moments before. 

He didn’t have time to say anything else though because Robert wobbled unsteadily on his feet and Aaron jumped up quickly to grab his arm. 

“Woah,” he said, “here, come on, sit down.”

It took Robert a moment to focus on him, but he allowed himself to be guided back to the sofa. 

“I’m sorry,” Aaron told him once he was settled again. “I shouldn’t have said that. I know it must’ve been awful for you. I was just...I’ve been a mess. I...god...I thought you were _dead_.” He blew out a long shuddering breath and felt a tear roll down his face. “I thought I’d lost you forever,” he added quietly. 

“I know,” Robert told him softly. “I’m sorry for all of this. I’m sorry it took me so long to get back to you.”

Aaron shook his head slightly and brushed the tears from his cheeks. “What are we going to do?”

Of course, he was thinking of long term, but they also needed a plan now. Because Robert was clearly unwell after nearly two weeks on the run and Aaron wasn’t a doctor. He didn’t know what to do. He looked at Robert’s pale, exhausted face and felt a little shiver of panic rush through him. 

“Everyone thinks you’re dead,” Aaron told him simply. “I don’t...we can’t go to the hospital. They’ll ask too many questions and we can’t risk it. We can’t risk anyone seeing you.”

“I don’t need a hospital,” Robert replied, his voice rough. He sounded exhausted, like just speaking was draining his energy. “Just need a couple of days to rest and some decent food.”

Aaron’s eyes widened. “Shit. You must be starving. I should’ve thought. Let me get you something to eat. What do you want?” 

He started pushing himself up but Robert grabbed his hand before he could rush off in a flustered panic of needing to desperately _do_ something in this mental situation. 

“Aaron,” he said quietly. 

Aaron paused immediately and looked down at him. He still couldn’t believe Robert was sitting there in front of him - alive. 

“I love you,” Robert told him as he blinked up at him. 

Aaron leant down and stroked his hand over Robert’s head. His hair was dirty, his skin filthy. He looked hollow compared to the man he knew. But he was Robert. He was there and he was alive. Aaron could touch him and see him. 

“I love you too,” he murmured. “It’s gonna be alright. We’re going to be alright now.”

Robert offered him an exhausted smile. 

“Toast?” Aaron asked with a crooked smile. 

Robert huffed out a rough laugh. “It’s good to be home.”


	6. 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the lovely feedback and encouragement! It’s really helped to keep me going because I’ll admit it’s been tough of late.

Before Robert could have his toast, they’d decided that he needed to move upstairs. Liv could return at any time and, despite the fact that she’d be over the moon to have Robert alive and home, they couldn’t tell her yet. They couldn’t tell anyone. 

Aaron had helped Robert up the stairs as his legs hardly seemed capable of climbing up. Halfway up, Robert had been chuntering something about the impractical staircase and Aaron had wanted to laugh in utter hysteria that they could even have that conversation. 

Eventually, they’d made it and Aaron had guided Robert to their room. When he’d stepped inside, Robert had paused for a moment as he’d absorbed the sight of their bedroom - a room he’d clearly not been expecting to see for some time. 

“Come on,” Aaron had urged gently as Robert had taken the remaining few steps and sank down onto the edge of their bed. 

He’d looked a little overwhelmed by everything and Aaron had softly touched his arm to reassure him. 

Aaron had left him then to go and make him some toast. While he’d joked about it, he’d been seriously concerned that eating anything too much or too fancy would make Robert ill after he’d spent the last few weeks getting by on whatever he could find, so toast seemed like a safe, simple option for his stomach.

He’d rushed about downstairs in the kitchen, preparing the plain meal as fast as possible because he’d hardly been able to stand being apart from Robert. Then he’d hurried back up the stairs to the room with the plate of toast and a cup of tea. 

Robert had been sitting exactly where he’d left him, staring into space, but when Aaron had walked in with his offering, Robert had looked at him like he was bringing him the best thing he’d ever seen. 

Aaron had sat beside him as Robert had quickly eaten the toast and then watched as he’d blown on the surface of his mug of tea before taking a sip and closing his eyes in apparent delight at the taste. 

“Why don’t you get into bed and get some sleep?” Aaron had asked when he’d taken the empty plate and mug from Robert’s hands. 

“I can’t get into bed like this,” Robert had replied. “I’m filthy.”

Aaron had looked at him a little doubtfully, unsure of whether Robert would be able to manage the effort required to get himself clean.

“I need a shower,” Robert had told him. “Please,” he’d added quietly when Aaron had still looked unsure. 

He’d been unable to resist the look on his face and the way he’d asked like he’d needed permission. He’d remembered from his own time inside how grateful he’d been for the joy of his own shower when he’d got home. It was the simplest of things that had made him feel better. 

“Of course,” Aaron had replied.

He’d helped Robert into the shower and taken his filthy clothes away. They’d get rid of them at some point because Robert would never be putting a prison uniform on again if Aaron had anything to do with it, but for the time being he’d thrown them into the corner of the room near the wash bin. 

He’d hovered around outside the en-suite door, anxiously listening for any sound of Robert struggling or collapsing, and he’d stuck his head around the door more than once to check on him. Each time, he’d found Robert standing still beneath the spray, eyes closed and seemingly just savouring the feeling of the hot water raining down on him. 

When he’d eventually turned off the water, Aaron had gone straight back into the en-suite to hand him a towel. He’d winced at the bruises on Robert’s body, no doubt from the crash, and way his ribs were more prominent than before, and the way Robert had moved stiffly as he’d dried himself off.

His experiences had damaged him, but he wasn’t broken. 

“Now you need to get to bed,” Aaron had said firmly and Robert had nodded once in agreement. He’d looked absolutely exhausted. 

He’d dug out a set of Robert’s soft pyjamas and watched him closely as he’d pulled them on with slow, tired movements. Then he’d helped Robert into bed and pulled the covers up to his shoulders. He’d leant down and pressed a kiss against the top of his head and lingered there for a moment as he breathed him in. Robert had sighed in what sounded like contentment and Aaron had watched as his eyes had drifted closed even as he stood beside him. 

Then he’d quietly left the room, pulling the door closed behind him as gently as possible, and made his way downstairs. He hadn’t wanted to leave Robert but he’d known he needed to. 

He hadn’t been downstairs long when he heard the front door open and close and then Liv let herself into the flat.

“Morning,” she greeted as she wandered over to the kitchen to join him. She was watching him in the same wary way that she’d been looking at him with for the last couple of weeks - like she was assessing his current mood and how he was likely to react to anything she said. 

Suddenly, he felt terribly guilty about that. 

But at the same time, he couldn’t miraculously be ‘fine’ without raising suspicions. He’d been a complete mess since he’d found out about Robert’s ‘death’ so he had to be careful to not give the game away now by seeming too ‘normal’.

Fortunately, his long night and his vigil over Robert seemed to work in his favour. 

“You look rough,” Liv said as she looked him over. “Did you get any sleep last night?”

Aaron grunted and shrugged. “It was a long one.”

Liv sighed heavily. “Look, I know...I know everything’s awful right now. But you need to start looking after yourself. And I know you don’t want to hear it, but all these late nights and drinking with Cain and getting into bother with him...it’s not going to make you feel any better.”

Aaron clenched his jaw, partly to keep up the pretence and partly because he felt bad that his little sister was having to talk to him like she was. 

“I know,” he admitted quietly. “I’m sorry.”

Liv smiled softly at him. “I understand, you know. I get it. Maybe you should just...go and sleep it off.”

Aaron looked up at her and smiled. That sounded like an excellent idea. 

“Yeah, you’re right. Are you, um, are you going to college?”

Liv nodded. “Just came back to get a shower and then I’m heading in.”

“Okay, well, I’ll see you later then. I’m going to head up to try to get some sleep.”

He walked around her and patted her arm gently before he rushed up the stairs. Being away from Robert even for such a short time seemed painful, so he was glad for the perfect excuse to get back to their room to sit with him, even if Robert just slept the day away. 

When Aaron walked into the room, he could tell that Robert was sleeping soundly. He pushed the door closed behind him, hoping that Robert wouldn’t be so hyper-vigilant after his experiences that even the quiet snick of the door closing disturbed him. But Robert didn’t stir. He seemed dead to the world, although Aaron didn’t like that description even as he thought it. The idea of Robert being dead was still far too raw and painful to contemplate. 

For a moment, Aaron just stood by the closed door and watched him. This was all so surreal. 

He’d spent the last few months in a blur of sadness and despair that he was going to lose Robert to prison. He’d hated the thought of it, but he’d had to accept it. It didn’t make it any easier, but he’d come to accept that they’d have to make it through with visits and phone calls, and that would have to be enough for however long Robert got sentenced for. 

He’d wait. 

But then the judge announcing “14 years” had come as a cruel blow to them both. Robert had been so crushed by it and Aaron had shared that devastation. Still, he’d resolved to get through it. They could do it. It would be hard, but they’d been through hell before: they could survive this. 

When he’d seen Robert at the prison for that first visit, he’d wanted to cry. Maybe it was some sort of cruel irony, but even after Robert’s often sketchy past, Aaron still didn’t think he deserved to be there. But maybe he was biased.

He’d tried so hard to be positive. To tell Robert that he’d see him soon. That they’d be alright. But Robert had seemed so desolate and Aaron had hated watching him walk away. He’d felt like something was terribly wrong. And obviously it had been. Robert must have known by then that he was being moved to another prison and he’d kept it from Aaron. And Aaron was sure he probably had his reasons: he always did when it came to his schemes and plans. He knew at some point they’d need to discuss all of that, but there was too much other stuff to worry about now. 

And then the last few weeks, since he’d been told about Robert’s death, had been a living nightmare. He’d dragged himself from one day to the next, every morning waking up and desperately hoping that it had all been a bad dream. But no-one had come and told him it was a mistake. No-one had saved him from his utter heartbreak. He’d mourned for his husband and he’d been a complete mess. 

And now Robert was lying in their bed, not one hundred percent, far from alright, but alive. Aaron didn’t believe in god but he felt like he owed someone a massive debt.

He’d planned to sit on the bed beside Robert and just stay with him for a while to keep an eye on him, but suddenly that didn’t seem enough somehow. 

Stripping out of his clothes until he was just in his boxers, he carefully climbed into the bed under the covers. He shuffled closer to Robert, who was lying on his side, and spooned up against him.

Robert stirred in his sleep and blearily turned his head to look at him.

“Aaron?” he asked gruffly, his eyes barely managing to open as he tried to look at him. 

“It’s okay,” Aaron replied quietly. “I’m here. Just go back to sleep.”

He pressed a gentle kiss against Robert’s shoulder and draped his arm across his side so he could hold him close.

He felt Robert relax against him and heard the soft sigh as he breathed out deeply.

He released his own breath and then inhaled, dragging in the scent of his husband that he’d missed so much, that he’d never dreamed he’d get to experience again.

Closing his eyes, he relaxed for the first time in weeks. He was asleep within minutes.


	7. 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the stupidly long delay in getting this chapter done. Life has been so busy and I’ve been exhausted and to be honest I’ve been struggling with my writing so haven’t had chance or much motivation to write, I’m afraid. I’m hoping my mojo will return soon. 
> 
> I’ve decided to make this the final chapter of this fic. I wanted to leave it with a hopeful ending.

It had been over twenty-four hours and Aaron still hadn’t got his head around what had happened. 

He’d slept most of the day away, snuggled up to Robert in their bed. Snuggled up against his husband, who was very much alive, despite what everyone else believed.

It had been the most surreal day or so, and he wasn’t sure if the feeling of having Robert beside him would ever sink in. He knew it would - eventually. Because it was the best feeling he could imagine. But it was still so unbelievable. 

He’d woken up a few times during the day and blinked at the back of Robert’s head in amazement. He’d pressed himself against Robert’s warm skin and nosed into the hair at the nape of his neck and breathed him in. The sheer relief had been almost overwhelming. 

Robert had hardly stirred. He had hardly moved from his position on his side and Aaron knew he must have been absolutely exhausted from his experiences over the last few weeks. 

He’d been shattered himself so he wasn’t surprised that he’d managed to sleep for so long. When he’d finally woken up properly - late in the evening -and known he wouldn’t be able to sleep anymore, he’d just laid there and held onto Robert. He didn’t want to let him go. He’d been terrified that if he did, Robert might slip away from him again. 

When he’d calmed his racing thoughts and fears about losing Robert - talked to himself rationally about how Robert wasn’t going anywhere - he’d managed to convince himself to get out of bed. He’d gone downstairs and made himself something to eat and then taken Robert some soup upstairs. 

Carefully, he’d woken him up and encouraged him to eat the simple meal. Robert had still looked utterly wiped out and Aaron hadn’t been surprised when he’d settled back down in bed and fallen back to sleep as soon as he’d finished eating. 

They hadn’t managed to talk about anything serious or the fact that they’d need to make some plans sooner rather than later, but Aaron couldn’t find it within himself to worry too much. He wasn’t in a rush. The rest of the world could wait. All he needed to know was that Robert was safe and home and with him.

He’d watched Robert sleep for a while - content to just be beside him and watch the steady rise and fall of his chest as he breathed in and out, even if Robert would have teased him for it and called him a weirdo - before he’d gone back downstairs to tidy up. 

Fortunately, Liv had been out all day and when she’d arrived home, she’d seemed pleased to find Aaron up and about, and a little shocked to see him washing up pots and tidying the kitchen. 

He’d pulled her into a hug when he’d dried his hands and pressed a kiss against the top of her head.

“Alright?” she’d asked, clearly a little bewildered and maybe a bit suspicious about his sudden change of mood. 

“Yeah,” he’d replied quietly. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

She’d given him a long look as though she were trying to figure him out, but then she’d smiled and headed off to her room.

Aaron had pottered about a bit more and then made some beans on toast to take up to Robert. He’d wondered if Robert would get fed up of the basics soon, but then he’d just smiled to himself: Robert could complain as much as he wanted - Aaron would gladly listen to him. He’d felt a bit daft sneaking up the stairs with the plate, but he’d been worried that Liv would catch him in the act of smuggling the food upstairs. Fortunately, she hadn’t.

The evening had been quiet and Aaron had eventually settled back into bed with Robert and despite the fact that he’d slept most of the day away, he’d drifted off fairly easily. Something about having Robert there made it easy for him to find rest. 

And now it was morning again and Liv had got up and gone off to college. Aaron had heard her moving about downstairs so had gone to join her for breakfast. Robert had woken up as he’d climbed out of bed but Aaron had shushed him and told him he didn’t need to get up - he couldn’t actually leave the room until Liv had departed anyway so there was no point in him getting up. 

Liv hadn’t been gone long when the front door opened again (Liv obviously hadn’t locked it on her way out because they didn’t usually bother when one of them was still home so she had no need to that morning) and Cain strode into the flat.

“Morning,” he grunted in his usual gruff manner. 

Aaron’s stomach flipped a little. What if Robert had been downstairs? What if Robert came down while Cain was there? Then he stopped himself worrying. Why would it matter? His uncle wasn’t exactly going to go running to the police, was he? He could trust Cain. In fact, he might need Cain’s help. 

“Got another job for us,” Cain continued. “You up for it?”

Aaron stared at him and drew in a deep breath. He was going to tell him. He couldn’t deal with this on his own. 

“I can’t,” he replied simply.

Cain just frowned at him.

Aaron pushed himself up from the sofa. 

“Come with me. I need to show you something,” he said as he nodded towards the stairs. 

Cain’s frown deepened, but he moved to follow Aaron. 

“If you’ve got a dead body up there, you’re going to ruin my morning,” he said as they climbed. 

Aaron turned to him on the landing and raised his eyebrows before putting his finger to his lips. 

Cain was utterly confused and looking at Aaron like he’d lost his mind.

Then Aaron carefully pushed his bedroom door open and stepped aside to allow Cain to see into the room. 

He watched as his uncle blinked a few times as his eyes landed on Robert’s sleeping form. He looked back at Aaron and raised his eyebrows. He didn’t say a word. 

Aaron pulled the door closed silently and then followed Cain back down the stairs. 

When they reached the kitchen, Cain leant back against the worktop and nodded at him. It was almost comical how he seemed completely unfazed by the revelation that Aaron’s supposedly dead husband was fast asleep upstairs.

“How long’s he been up there?” he asked eventually. 

Aaron blew out a long breath. “Turned up a couple of nights ago. Just walked through the door and then collapsed. He’s been on the run since the crash.” 

It sounded completely surreal to say it out loud. But he needed to say it. He needed to tell someone. And he knew he could trust Cain.

Cain nodded again. “He’s done well to make it back here,” he said and Aaron didn’t miss the surprisingly impressed tone of his voice. “So, what are you gonna do now?”

Aaron, leaning back against the counter too, just shrugged. He honestly didn’t know. He hadn’t allowed himself to think about it properly yet - it was such a massive, scary prospect. 

“I don’t know,” he replied simply.

Cain chewed on the inside of his cheek for a moment. 

“Well, you can’t keep him hidden up there for long. Not unless you’re planning on him becoming a recluse.”

Of course Aaron had thought the same, but he also didn’t want to face the reality. 

They couldn’t stay. 

“We have to leave,” he eventually said. 

Nodding once, Cain agreed. “Yeah, you do. You’ve got some planning to do, some decisions to make.”

It was Aaron’s turn to nod. He knew his uncle was right. 

“You’ve got a second chance here,” Cain told him. He looked thoughtful for a moment and Aaron wondered if he was considering his own marital disaster. Then he continued. “Actually maybe it’s your third or fourth or something, knowing you two.”

Aaron smiled a little at that. 

“But you’ve got to take it.” Cain pushed himself away from the counter and clapped him on the shoulder. “Let me know if you need any help.”

With that, he walked away. That was as close to giving his blessing or showing that he cared that Aaron could have hoped for and knowing his uncle was on his side was a massive boost. 

They could do this: they could make it this time. 

***

Robert hesitated at the top of the stairs, listening closely for voices downstairs. 

He’d been asleep for longer then he’d thought was physically possible and was completely disoriented about what time it was, or even what day it was for that matter. 

He knew that Aaron had been bringing him meals and drinks, but he’d been so exhausted he hadn’t even really been fully aware of what was going on before he’d fallen back into deep sleep.

Not hearing any sounds of visitors, or Liv, downstairs, Robert cautiously made his way down.

Aaron looked up at him from the sofa immediately, and then jumped up. 

“Are you alright?” he asked, concern all over his face. 

“Yeah,” Robert replied as he reached the ground floor. “I should nearly die and then go on the run more often if it’s going to make you so devoted to my wellbeing.”

Aaron gave him a look as if to say ‘don’t you dare’ as he helped him towards the sofa. 

“Pretty sure I’d kill you myself if you even thought about it,” he said.

Robert smiled slightly at him.

“How long have I been asleep?” Robert asked.

“Hopefully long enough to help you recover. It doesn’t matter - you obviously needed it.” Aaron squeezed Robert’s hand as he spoke. He still wanted that physical reassurance that he wasn’t imagining this. 

“Have you told anyone that I’m back?” Robert asked. 

Aaron nodded. “Just Cain. He came over this morning and I thought we might need his help at some point.” 

An almost grim smile tugged at Robert’s lips. He returned the grip on his hand with a squeeze of Aaron’s fingers. 

“What are we going to do, Aaron?” he asked. 

When he’d woken up and managed to clear his head, and before he’d made his way downstairs, Robert had lain in their bed and started actually thinking. He’d always been a planner, the one with the ideas and the schemes, but when he’d stumbled back to Emmerdale and through the door of the Mill, he hadn’t been thinking of anything other than getting back to Aaron. He hadn’t been thinking of the future or what they were going to do once the relief of their reunion was over. Because now the reality was they were faced with a huge, inescapable problem. 

Robert was supposed to be dead. He couldn’t just walk out into the village and continue his life as normal. He couldn’t live here anymore and he couldn’t go back to how things were. 

His life in Emmerdale was over. 

Aaron swallowed thickly. He looked at Robert for a long moment. 

“We go back to Plan A, don’t we? We’ve got to leave. We need to get to France.” He spoke so confidently, like it was the obvious solution - the only solution. 

Robert released Aaron’s hand suddenly. Slowly, he pushed himself up from the sofa and walked towards the kitchen before he stopped and turned back to face him. 

Squeezing his eyes closed, he shook his head. “No,” he said quietly. “We can’t do that.”

Aaron’s mouth flapped open a little and he frowned in confusion. He stood up too and faced Robert over the back of the sofa. 

“What do you mean, ‘no’? What other choice do we have?”

“I can’t take you away from your family. That’s the reason I handed myself in in the first place. It...it wasn’t fair on you. I couldn’t...I couldn’t expect you to leave the country, leave your family behind, for me. It would’ve destroyed you...it would’ve destroyed us in the end.”

“But...” Aaron tried to start arguing but Robert interrupted him.

“No, Aaron. We can’t go to France.”

“Then what the hell are we going to do?” Aaron shouted. The fear of their second chance being torn away again was taking hold. If they couldn’t run away together because Robert was still being stubborn about it, what were they going to do? He couldn’t lose Robert again. He refused to even contemplate it. 

“Don’t you dare suggest leaving me again!” he snapped at Robert. He jabbed his finger at him angrily as tears welled in his eyes. “I’ve just got you back. I had to watch you get taken away from me because you tried to do the right thing - I watched them take you away in that police car. I sat there and listened to you get sentenced to life. And then I had to face the news that you were dead. I’ve lost you so many times in a matter of months and I can’t do it again! I won’t. So don’t you dare tell me we can’t do this or we can’t be together.” 

Robert blinked at him in shock. The outpouring of emotion had caught him off guard but he supposed he shouldn’t have been surprised. Aaron had been through hell over the last couple of months. It had taken its toll on him and it shouldn’t have been a shock that he wouldn’t take too kindly to Robert even hinting at them not being together. But that wasn’t actually what Robert was suggesting. 

He moved forwards as quickly as he could manage and rounded the sofa again. Standing in front of Aaron, he reached out and grabbed his shoulder. 

“I’m not going anywhere without you,” he told him firmly.

Aaron drew in a deep shuddery breath as he gazed up at him. 

“I can’t stay here,” Robert continued. “It isn’t an option. But I’m not making you move to another country just for me either. But...maybe I’m being selfish...I don’t want to be without you. I can’t. I love you too much.”

Aaron nodded once. “I love you too. But what are we going to do, Robert? We can’t stay here - it’s just not possible. You’d be a prisoner in your own home and it’s just too risky. You won’t go to France...and I get that. I know why.” He sighed heavily. “We need to start again, but I don’t know how.”

Robert just looked at him for a long moment. Then a plan started to form in his mind, something he could grab hold of, a glimmer of hope. 

“Maybe we don’t have to leave the country, maybe we just need to leave the village,” he said. He was thinking out loud but Aaron’s eyes widened a little at the suggestion. He looked like he understood what Robert was thinking. 

“You said it yourself, everyone thinks I’m dead, including the police. No-one will be looking for me. If we move somewhere, I don’t know, maybe Manchester or Nottingham or somewhere just far enough away from here that we won’t run into anyone that knows me, we could start again. You would be close enough to come back here whenever you wanted to see everyone, and they could visit us easily enough.”

Aaron was nodding. It was clear that he could already picture it. 

“Do you think it would work?” Robert asked him suddenly. He knew in his head that they could do it, but he wouldn’t force Aaron. He just wanted him to be happy. 

“Of course!” Aaron told him, a smile tugging at his lips. “It’s the perfect solution - the best of both worlds.”

Robert pulled him into a hug, squeezing him tightly and just wanting to take a chance to cherish the moment. 

When he pulled back, he looked at Aaron steadily. 

“We need to start making plans. And we need to decide who we’re going to tell that I’m not actually dead. Oh and then we need to tell them that we’re planning to leave Emmerdale. We’ve got some big conversations ahead.”

The knowledge of what lay ahead was almost enough to give him a headache. He knew it was going to be emotionally draining telling Liv and Vic and Chas and whichever other trusted members of their families they decided to reveal the truth to. He knew they’d all be shocked and overwhelmed and emotional to see him alive after what they’d all been through. And he knew there would be some challenges and tears when they revealed their new plan. But he hoped they’d all understand. He hoped that they’d see it was the best they could make from a bad situation. He hoped they see that it was their chance to be happy again. 

“We can face anything together,” Aaron told him. He sounded so confident, so sure, that Robert’s heart swelled and any worries about the future started to fade. 

Aaron squeezed his hand again. 

“You know, you might need to start going by a different name. Don’t want to raise any red flags anywhere.”

Robert smiled at him. “So I guess I’ll finally be a Dingle, then?”

Aaron laughed and again Robert’s heart thudded in his chest. He was never going to take this for granted. He was possibly the luckiest man on the planet. He’d share that thought with Aaron when they were cuddled up in bed later. Aaron would call him a soft git but he really didn’t care. He _was_ the luckiest man on the planet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas to all who celebrate! 🎄
> 
> Feedback would be the perfect present for me if you could spare a moment to leave me some. Thank you!


End file.
